Don't Sizzle Fat, Sizzle-Lean

New post on Seattle 2.0 today:
Lou Gerstner had it wrong – the question is not whether or Elephants can dance. They can dance very well. The problem is that they’re usually listening to entirely different music than you are, and, if you’re not careful you’re going to get stomped.
Out of everything that's been involved with being the world's largest collection of sound bites and short quotes, the partnerships with the studios has been the most challenging and newest experience for me.

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The Gnomedex Experiment

The surface guys at Gnomedex have said that if you do a blog post that contains the word "Gnomedex", you'll be able to grab it and play with it. This blog post accomplishes that goal (3 times over!).

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Don't Hate The Player, Hate The Game

New post up on Seattle 2.0:
Content farms are insanely hot right now, no matter what the chattering classes would prefer. These companies, who churn out large bodies of low cost and low quality content in order to win search results, have completely overwhelmed the professional content producers in the search engine result game. Yet, despite all the hatred, these same journalists cannot seem to coverthemenough. The biggest question is, are we truly on the verge of a new content world that will kill the market for quality content? And, more importantly, do you have any chance of rising about the low quality noise? >>
To be clear, I think that content farms have their place - but if anything content is TOO well produced right now - there's just no way the business will work when the real quality content (and Google) wakes up.

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Strange Things Are Afoot At The Circle-K

New post up today on Seattle 2.0:

Professionally produced media is undergoing dramatic changes driven by recent major business development deals. Some examples:

However, in the rush to disrupt the existing models, people are forgetting the lesson learned in the music industry; aggregation of content provides the best experience for users and the biggest profit opportunity for the owners. Simply said:  aggregation wins. >>

Whenever business model trumps user experience, the end users suffer. And that opens the door to your competitors.

Sadly My First Title Was Too Tame

New post on Seattle 2.0 today:

Fanatic users are not as hard to find as you may think. A successful entrepreneur could do worse than spending all day and night recruiting them. Yet, all but a few entrepreneurs fail miserably when it comes to finding, talking with, and winning these incredibly valuable partners. How do you avoid this all too common mistake? >>

There were endless jokes about tea bagging, but I thought I’d take the moderately safe road. I heard an interesting comment the other day about your public persona – either be totally open or create a new persona and stick to it. Kevin Smith has done the former, Jason Calcanis has done the latter, and both are extremely successful. The funny part is that I’m not really trying to hide anything, I’m just not interested in having something vulgar be in the title.

Body Parts And Other Good Design

New post up on Seattle 2.0 today:

"The only 'intuitive' interface is the nipple. After that, they’re all learned." – various attribution, most commonly to Bruce Ediger

While there is some debate (especially among new mothers!) how intuitive the nipple is, the nipple is the perfect product. It fits exactly to spec, even without user testing and with a variable user group. It's extremely portable and instantly available in a wide variety of environments (hot, cold, wet, dry, etc). It's (mostly) instant on, and (mostly) intuitive, and works without even thinking, when one or both users are half asleep. But best of all, it was designed with a singular purpose for a very select audience segment, and, for that segment and that audience, it is a wholly complete solution. >>

Marvel as I work even MORE body parts into a single blog post! Plus, I get the chance to mention the OXO cups (again) – man do I love those.

Jack Be Nimble-ish

New post up on Seattle20.com today:

Agility, in the world of software, is the focus on iterating quickly on customer demands, releasing regularly, and getting accurate customer feedback to start the process all over again. Instead of spending countless weeks and months gathering requirements and then putting together the absolute perfect product, the idea is that you release a MVP— minimum viable product —as soon as humanly possible and then change it based on what you see people doing with a live version of your product. There's a lot to love about this philosophy: it's creative, it's easy to test, and, best of all, it throws all the old ways of doing things under the bus! More >>

People who look to agile software development as a panacea are just as mistaken as those who think it’s a load of crap. Best part of today’s blog post – did you know that beer is 11,000 years old?

The DEFINITIVE Phone Review!

Obviously the big news this week is the iPhone 4. So, without further ado, let me review … the Blackberry Curve 8530!

Basically, I was getting sick of T-Mobile and, worse, the absolutely horrendous G1, and needed to get something. I fully expect to be back on the Smartphone side within a year, so I up and got the cheapest contract I could (1 year) on the best carrier (Verizon) with the best phone that does what I need (e-mail, and minimal browsing).

Here’s what I have discovered, in no particular order.

First, the Blackberry is so undiscoverable and non-intuitive, I have no idea how it ever caught on. Every action is buried under a single ‘magic’ button, with no indication at all what you’re going to get when you hit it. Options? Forward email? About? Just doesn’t make sense.

The keyboard shortcuts are so unexpected that there are literally thousands of pages out there that do nothing else but recount all these hotkeys – which are totally necessary because without them, the phone is basically unusable.

The browser is bad. No, “bad” is the wrong word. Remember cowboy movies from the 40s where everyone good is dressed in white and everyone bad is in dressed in black, and you knew exactly who was really bad based on how much black they were wearing? Now imagine in the middle of the movie, all the people dressed COMPLETELY in black got together in some mountain cave to recount all their evil deeds. The MC of said gathering would be EXTRA bad; he’d likely be a fat banker of some kind, have a mustache and a monocle and fold his hands together when he talked, a la Mr. Burns. Now imagine you got all those mustached bankers together, from all the evil caves in all the world for some networking event in Transylvania. The owner of the castle where they were having their hor d’oeuvres and recounting how much they had swindled out of grandmothers and orphans would be some ULTRA bad guy, potentially even half vampire or something equally evil. Now imagine that guy fucked the devil and they had a baby. And imagine THAT baby fucked Hitler, and THEY had a baby.

That child, roughly speaking, is very close to being NEARLY as FUCKING HORRIBLE AS THE BROWSER ON THE BLACKBERRY CURVE IS.

I say this with no exaggeration whatsoever, I have had a worse browsing experience in the past week than I did in 1992, when all I knew how to use was gopher on AIX 3.2. I have no idea what RIM was thinking, but the quality of the display, the rendering speed, the download speed and the “support” for anything beyond reading a pure text page on your local machine is so bad, I don’t know why you would even bother. In fact, when I accidentally click a link in email, and it opens the abortion they call a browser, it makes me want fly to Ontario and just start punching everyone I see there in the face for being located in the same city as the people who designed this thing. Though, candidly, it’s probably a bit generous to even say “opens” since all the “browser” really does it show me the goddamn loading screen for five fucking minutes. And, Opera Mini, the “solution” is even worse – because all I get to do is LOOK at a screenshot of what may or may not be a web page – it’s so slow, and zooming is so weak as a UI metaphor, why even bother. 

Apps – yee-ikes. Yeah, there are some apps out there. But they are so far behind everyone else in the world, it’s a joke to try and compare them. My browsing experience on the phone or on the Web looking for some simple solutions (a voice recorder, a stop watch, etc) was miserable. I found what I was looking for, but there were so many garbage apps, so many projects that haven’t been updated in years, and so few ratings (to help me figure out which were real and which weren’t) that I wish I hadn’t started looking in the first place.

And with all that bile, it is the single greatest email tool ever created. How and why Outlook and/or the iPhone don’t use these metaphors are beyond me. For those that are unfamiliar -

  • U = next unread
  • Delete key = delete (is there a way to go to next unread message?)
  • R = reply
  • L = reply all
  • F = forward

I can navigate through an unlimited amount of mail as fast as I can mow down zombies in an FPS. For this purpose, and this purpose alone, it is AWESOME. For everything else, let me tell you, do NOT look into the abyss -- they don’t have enough Bactine in the world to heal your wounds after coming back.

Baldness is Correlated with Success

New post up on Seattle 2.0:

A few weeks ago, I was lucky enough to have a friend of mine stop by, and actually had five minutes free to go out for a cup of coffee. We got to talking about where we were, and the things that were sucking up all our available bandwidth. He had recently helped sell the startup he was working at to a much larger company, worked the minimum amount of time necessary to finish off his responsibilities and has branched out into a new new thing. It's always interesting to speak to someone who has gone round with the full lifecycle of a company and on to the new one. He reflected on his previous ridiculous hours, and his current ridiculous hours, and the fact that, despite his best efforts, the most meaningless stuff fills up all that time. When I asked him what his solution was to getting actual work done, he responded without skipping a beat, "Find a barber." >>

That’s it… I’m shaving my head.

A Brief Foray Into MLM

More efficiency talk on Seattle 2.0:

What's that you say? You don't work on an hourly rate? Wrong. You absolutely work on an hourly rate, and if you don't treat your job that way, it's a recipe an inefficient work day.  >>

Now if I could only figure out a way for someone to pay me to watch True Blood…