Couple of things today...
First, I was going to start with my immutable law of movie paradigms, as a homage to the TMQ
, but then I thought that as an aspiring writer and comedian (though aspiring is a bit of a stretch), it's just theft. I actually remember listening to Joe Rogan (star of the abomination fear factor
and the sublime NewsRadio
) talking on the Howard Stern show about a set he watched while he was judge at last comedian standing. He was so strong in his opinion about the struggles a comedian goes through to work out a bit, I hesitate to use another person's material even a little bit.
But on the other side of the coin, there was a wonderful story on the creation process, about how even the most spectacular artists copy wholesale
from other people to find their voice. While I would never presume that the things I put in here are art, or voice of any kind... Certainly, it'd be nice to find my voice through the expertise of others. So without further ado, the start of a list I like to call:
The Imutable (yes I know it's misspelled, it's intentional) law of movie paradigms
#1: Wearing sunglasses have absolutely nothing to do with the sun.
While people take off their sunglasses in the bright sun to give an evil glare, they put on their sunglasses in the pitch black night club to show how cool they are. I mean come on. Have you ever tried this? You'd be falling over everything.
#2:Wincing and moving your head to the left equates to total invulnerability
I remember noticing this for the first time during True Lies, when at one point the terrorist shoots the cockpit window out of the plane that Governor Arnold is flying. Where the terrorist was standing, he's able to shoot out both sides of the cockpit canopy. He's also standing exactly perpendicular to the direction the plane is flying. Unless bullets can magically go through people, it is annoyingly impossible to shoot out both sides of a canopy and not hit the pilot. But it's worse than that. The classic shot is when the hero is running and the bullets go running right up behind him/her until the hero finds some way to dive out of the way. Wouldn't that mean the aggressor is shooting at the hero's feet? Gimme a break.
#3: Parking is never a problem.
At any hour, of any day, the hero can find parking right in front of wherever they need to go. I should be so lucky.
#4:Women always kiss men first.
Seriously! Check it out sometime.
I hope to add to this in the future, but I think this is a pretty good start. And if you're doing a movie sometime in the future, please note these for your records. Breaking the imutable (yes I know it's misspelled, it's intentional) law of movie paradigms will guarantee my appreciation, which generally equates to box-office failure.