Opportunity:
Fox Broadcasting Company is searching for a multi-talented, creative and dynamic executive to fill the post of entertainment president.
Responsibilities:
- Provide tepid support for quality shows (i.e. “Arrested Development”), cancel them when marketing says there’s no audience (i.e. “Family Guy”), and then fill the newly open time slot with complete and utter crap (i.e. “Life on a Stick”).
Qualifications:
- Figure out a way to air “American Idol” every day of the week, continue administering S&M-style horse whippings to Simon Cowell, and hide corpses of homeless people that Paula Abdul runs over.
- Keep minorities off of “The O.C.”
- Produce string of “Who’s Your Daddy?” follow-ups: “Who’s Your Husband’s Mistress?” “Who’s Your Hijacker?” and “Who’s Your Child’s Molestor?”
- Convince “Mad TV” scribes that audience really thinks they’re funny
- GED or trade school certification (DeVry or equivalent only please).
- At least ten years experience as a network executive, or demonstrated
ability to wipe own ass.
- Has sacrificed at least one virgin for every year of adulthood.
- References from former superiors that you have slept with, in order to verify
quality of said lay.
- Proven track record of driving assistants to suicide, stabbing friends in back, and
starting every sentence with “I would kill my mother for...”Interested applicants should apply directly through our jobs web site at http://www.foxcareers.com/
What will I charge for this service? Nothing, of course, it's serving the public that is the ultimate reward.
